Fantasy Satire
May 17, 2017
The National Monarchist League yesterday released a poll showing a bare majority of Americans -- 50.999% -- favor naming Hillary Clinton Queen of the United States after months of partisan bickering in Congress.
Republicans, who have long pilloried Pres. Clinton, have taken obstructionism to new levels by drawing numerous lines in the sand over the budget, Supreme Court and other court nominations, as well as pet policy in the White House. A hellacious row ensued, after the Presidential dog ruined a set of 1809 drapes hanging in the Red Room. Congressmen from "red" states were particularly outraged over the executive canine's misbehavior.
The Monarchist League, which promotes royalty as "a salve" for emotionally wounded Americans, reported huge growth by its various formerly unknown chapters in 48 of the 50 states. Washington, D. C. has no monarchist chapter and is the only place in America with an operating democratic (small "d") chapter. Some monarchist chapters have grown from only two or three members to twelve to thirteen, a ten-fold increase.
Manufacturers of tiaras and purple robes are said to be delirious over the polling results, as they have seen their business suffer ever since the Founding Fathers signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776, sealing the fate of King George and every other English king and queen to follow.
Mrs. Clinton, whose husband is a descendant of royalty, said at a White House dinner this week that this is only a normal division within a marriage. However, observers note that she never specifically disavowed royalty in her 2016 campaign.
For his part, Dan Rather went on Twitter to write this about the proposal to crown Hillary Clinton Queen. "Just tell me where to line up and bow down."
Republicans are astonished that their intransigence has had the opposite effect of limiting Clinton's power. In fact, it appears more likely than ever that her power will be greatly enhanced when she can follow Queen Latifah to the throne of glory.
-- 30 --
