If the House Leadership Had Been the Crew on the First Trip to the Moon

Walter Cronkite: We now turn to Mission Control for the final countdown. Mission Control (MC): 10...9...8...7...6...5 seconds and holding. We have a hold at T minus 5 seconds. (silence) We are continuing to hold at T minus 5 here at Cape Kennedy. (silence) The mission communications officer is reporting that the Flight Commander, John Boehner, has activated a manual hold. We are awaiting word on the reason for the hold. Mission Communications officer Andrea Mitchell is indicating that Commander Boehner was quoted as saying moments ago, "Hold it! Hold it! Just hold it! This mission alone is costing millions of dollars while we have a war on. The moon could be made of cheese in which our landing would turn the surface into cottage cheese and our spaceship into a cheese cottage! The American people want us to stop playing games, stop doubting Jules Verne or Ronald Reagan and close down this mission at once!" This quote has not been confirmed at this time as electrical conditions at the launch are known to mess with radio signals and the quote could have been an errant transmission from the Rush Limbaugh Show. T minus 5 seconds and holding... (silence) Half a minute later: This is Walter Cronkite here in the CBS broadcast booth at Kennedy Space Center. We have just had a most unusual communication from Mission Control. While such holds late in the count are not uncommon, one issued by the Mission Commander has never happened before. Here with me is former astronaut Wally Shirra. Wally, have you ever heard of such a thing happening? Shirra: Actually, yes. You may remember Gemini Flight 6A when there was an automatic shut-down. Cronkite: How well I do. I was there. Shirra: And another flight was aborted at the last moment. Cronkite: But to my memory, there never has been an alleged political speech by a Flight Commander. Isn't that right, Wally? Shirra: That's right, Walter. (cross-talk) Cronkite: Here is Mission Control again. Let's listen... MC: This is Mission Control in Houston. Pres. Nixon and former Pres. Johnson have just spoken by phone. The White House has announced that Pres. Johnson informed Pres. Nixon to go right ahead and fire John Boehner (not fire ON him) if that's what he wanted to do. The White House spokesman said that was exactly what has occured. And here are astronauts John Boehner, Eric Cantor, and their chaperone, Nancy Pelosi seen climbing down from the Apollo capsule. Boehner and Cantor are being given tea to fortify them. -- Source: Wickedpedia.satire.us +++++++++++++++++ (c) 2013 The Musical Patriot